12/18/20

dog with brim hat
3 min readDec 18, 2020

This last week has been pretty great!

I’ve been hacking a lot more and I think it’s improved my mental health. There seems to always be people online on Discord who are willing to deep dive into a target with me. Very happy to be working with a few great programs who pay seemingly very well.

There’s this girl I’ve been talking to online a lot and I think I’ve developed a bit of a massive crush on her. I’ve been dating the same girl for 5 years, so this girl feels overwhelmingly new and exciting.

One is a bit of a submissive, shy, simple, and genuinely nice girl who doesn’t have too many ambitions. The other is very driven, passionate, engaging, and very curious.

I really thought a lot about ending my current relationship to pursue different interests and I don’t think I’d be too hurt (initially) by the decision to do that. The only thing is that I’m not confident in really assessing what I have right now as it’s grown a bit boring since moving in with one another. This is a common thing which appears to affect everyone, but I really wonder whether or not I’d have a different and more positive experience dipping my toes back in the water.

The girl I’ve been speaking to online is very inspiring and has really caused me to think about who I want to be as a person. She’s a total nut for academic stuff and is incredibly playful when we talk. I noticed I got jealous that someone else was talking to her in chat and, at that point, realized how absurd the whole idea of moving forward on that would be.

I’d love to meet her in person. Even if we ended up hating each other I’d still have closure on something that obviously wouldn’t work out. I’m insecure about how I look in real life and how I behave as a person. It makes the whole thing really tense for some reason.

Some of the bugs I found on Apple should pay a bit of money and in turn I think I’ll be able to comfortably afford a house in early next year. I’m not sure how much money I’d like to contribute to the down payment as I don’t really know what I’ll be up to in the next year.

The uncertainty of a lot of this is really interesting because I feel like I’m a pessimist when it comes to my opportunities and that offers a lot of security, but may not really be super objective in terms of maxing out impact for my work. For instance, when I look at it on a spreadsheet I’m estimating I’ll earn exactly $0 next year when in reality it’s probably closer to $200,000-$400,000.

It seems the most common argument for not paying off a house immediately is that you could use that money in the stock market for more return, but to be honest with how fast it’s coming and going I don’t think I’ll be trying to put stuff away for a long term until maybe 10 years down the road.

As of now, my current balance (post tax) for the start of 2020 is $166,000. If I were to buy a house in March of next year for $250,000, I’d probably put about $65,000 down which would mean I’d take a loan out for $185,000. This, in turn, would be about $314,895 paid in 30 years, but I could complete it sooner and pay less interest (hopefully).

One of the things I’m really not sure about is how fast you can streamline credit. If I’ve only been building credit for two months but I have a 700 credit score, can I use that to apply for a $300,000 mortgage loan? If so, why? How does me spending $30 on my $300 college card help me do that?

The whole system is so weird, but I guess it works.

Thinking this stuff over too much really doesn’t help too much. If I put this much effort into actually hacking, then I’d probably be rich!

Thanks for reading, wish you the best in the upcoming Holiday season.

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